SUPPORTING A SURVIVOR
Your response matters.
When someone tells you they have experienced sexual violence, you do not have to know exactly what to say.
Listening, believing, and respecting their choices can make a meaningful difference in what happens next.
START HERE
You do not need to fix what happened.
Your role is not to investigate, question, or make decisions for them. You can simply be someone who listens, believes, and supports.
START BY BELIEVING
The first response can matter.
Start by Believing is a campaign focused on changing the way people respond when someone discloses sexual assault. At SAAP, believing and supporting survivors is at the heart of what we do.
Start by Believing
“I believe you.”
“I’m sorry this happened.”
“I’m here for you.”
Be Supportive
“You can tell me as much or as little as you want.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Ask How You Can Help
“What would feel helpful right now?”
“Would you like me to stay with you?”
“Would you like support contacting an advocate?”
Avoid “Why” Questions
Even when they are well intended, questions beginning with “why” can sound blaming or make someone feel like they have to defend their actions.
WHAT SUPPORT CAN LOOK LIKE
Believe. Support. Respect.
Survivors may respond to trauma in many different ways. There is no single “right” reaction, timeline, or next step.
Let the survivor decide what they want to share and what they want to do next.
Listen without interrogating, challenging, or asking them to prove what happened.
Ask what they need instead of assuming what would be best.
Respect their decisions, privacy, boundaries, and pace.
WORDS MATTER
What to avoid.
Some common questions or reactions can unintentionally sound blaming, dismissive, or judgmental.
“Why didn’t you leave?”
This can make the survivor feel responsible for what someone else did.
“Why didn’t you report?”
Reporting is a personal decision and survivors may face many barriers to coming forward.
“Are you sure?”
Questioning the survivor’s experience can feel like disbelief.
“You need to…”
Try not to take control. Offer options and let the survivor decide what feels right for them.
TRY THIS INSTEAD
Keep it simple.
You do not need special training to respond with compassion. Sometimes a few simple sentences are enough to let someone know they are not alone.
RETURNING CHOICE
Support without taking over.
Sexual violence involves a loss of control. A supportive response should help return choices to the survivor rather than making more decisions for them.
INSTEAD OF
“You have to call the police.”
↓TRY
“Would you like to talk through your options?”IF THEY WANT NEXT STEPS
You can help them explore options.
You do not have to know every answer. SAAP advocates can help survivors understand available options without forcing them to make a particular choice.
SUPPORTERS NEED SUPPORT TOO
You can call us, too.
Supporting someone you care about can bring up questions, uncertainty, anger, sadness, or fear.
SAAP is not only here for survivors. Loved ones and supporters can contact us for information, guidance, and confidential support.
WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Start with: “I believe you.”
You can figure out the rest together.
Call 911
If someone is in immediate danger or experiencing a medical emergency, contact emergency services.
Call SAAP
Confidential help for survivors and loved ones is available 24 hours a day.
1-866-828-7273BE BELIEVED HERE
Believe them. Support them. Be there.
You do not have to navigate this alone.